Parenting Tip: When All is Not Right
Posted by Miz Woody
Photo: mesec od papira @ Flickr
“Please give me praise for partial success.
Photo: mesec od papira @ Flickr
Reward me for self-improvement,
not just for perfection.”
Author Unknown
My husband and I have this ongoing battle – well, it’s more of a tiff – over the sponge in the kitchen sink. See, that’s the problem. The sponge is in the sink.
I don’t have a problem with the sponge being in the sink. That’s where you use it, right? But my Darling operates at the expense of several deficits:
- his brain is hard wired for details
- he comes from a perfectionist gene pool
- his mother was a nurse
- and then he just had to take that college course in microbiology
When I see the sponge in the sink I think, “Oh good, there’s the sponge.”
When Darling see the sponge in the sink he thinks, “ Fungi! Disease! Plague!”
So, I try to wring out the sponge and set it on the counter. I do try. But, you see, I am not the one with the Fear of Bacteria. I don’t see this as a matter of life and death. So, I really don’t actively think about the sponge on a regular basis. Hence, Darling does tend to find it in the sink from time to time.
But here’s the thing:
He thinks he finds it in the sink all the time. This is not true. However, as fallible beings will, he tends to notice the sponge only when he is annoyed. When the sponge is in the “correct” spot, he is not annoyed therefore, he does not see it.
You know, I’m a big girl with a fairly positive self-image, so I can handle Darling’s annoyance.
But, how would that be if I were six…
…and trying to please my Daddy, and he never noticed when I did what he wanted me to?
Awful. That’s how it would be: awful. I really need my Mom and Dad to think I’m wonderful when I’m six, or six months, or sixteen.
Mom, Dad:
Stop and think about how much better I’m doing now than I was a year ago. Tell me you’ve noticed. Tell me you appreciate my efforts.
Hug me and smile,
tickle me and laugh,
celebrate my successes.
Please.
