Miz Woody's Place

If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.

If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.

Do you remember this poem?

It rings true because we’ve all experienced at least a part of what the author describes.

I was about 8-9 years old. My aunt was visiting from out of town.  Mom and Aunt Judy were in the kitchen doing motherly things. I don’t remember why I had a jar of mayonnaise in my hand. I do remember that I dropped it and it smashed in a gooey-glassy mess .

My mother spat, “Just get out of the kitchen.”

Aunt Judy said, “She’s old enough to clean up her own mess.”

Mom replied disgustedly, “No she’s not.”

I slunk away, humiliated.

Fast forward 14 or 15 years: incident with mayo is completely forgotten. I’m bustling around in my own kitchen and I drop a full carton of eggs.

Gooey-crunchy mess.

I become lividly angry.

Darling Husband, wanting to spare me, comes in and offers to clean it up.

I shout, “No. I’m old enough to clean up my own mess!”

All the power of that humiliation was still there, just waiting for an incident to remind me that I was clumsy, powerless and don’t deserve to be with the grownups.

Why am I telling you this?

Two reasons:

1.  Watch your words.

Never underestimate your power to build up or tear down your child’s confidence, trust, sense of worth and desire to be around you.  All it takes are a few ill-chosen words.

“No wonder I never take you anywhere.”

“Can’t you do anything without whining?”

“What is the matter with you?”

2.  Leave your parents’ words behind.

When you do dredge up those hurtful memories, do not wallow in the pain,. Do not feel sorry for yourself or blame your parents for their mistakes. Instead, re-think the situation.  You are no longer a child, so you can see the matter in a new light.

I can look back at the mayo incident and say,

1. Mom was probably tired and stressed from having company (who knows how long that visit was?)
2. Mom id not have the benefit of hearing Dr. Dobson, Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, etc.  All she had to go on was the parenting she received.
3. Most of all, she did not tell the truth. I was capable, I was a good kid, I was worthy.

Now, when those old feelings come up, I can say, “Nope. That wasn’t true then and it isn’t true now. I am capable, and worthy. “

I move on in confidence.

You can too.

Blessings on you!

Marilyn

I simply love looking at interior design sites and magazines. To be strictly honest, it goes much deeper than that: I’m actually addicted…badly addicted. But enough about me.

I recently came across a site by the same name as a “family magazine.” There was a nice little design article about children’s rooms and bookcases. It showed four or five different kid’s rooms with bookcases featured. The lovely photos were paired with the usual sprightly comments about the accessories shown and where you could buy them. So far, so good, right?

Is it just me, or does $4,000 seem a tad high for a chair in a child’s room? Perhaps I’m too fussy, because it did look stunning next to the mid-century-look bookcase (a mere $560.) Still, I have to wonder about the bone china lamp.

Not $4,000

It kind of makes you wonder: what kind of families is this family magazine trying to reach? Tori Spelling was on the cover. Maybe that should have been a clue. I don’t know.

Do rich kids not have pillow fights or turn cartwheels in their rooms? Or, is a broken designer lamp (a) disposable and (b) something the maid cleans up?

Perhaps my favorite you-gotta-be-kidding item was a $2,000 Tulu rug. Turns out a Tulu is a natural fiber shag carpet made in India by native tribal people (whom, I’m betting aren’t getting any $2K a pop for them.)

These you can wash!

I once had a remnant of 70’s shag carpet in my kids’ room. I can tell you from experience that when your toddler and four year old both start spewing flu-related fluids, your shag carpet will definitely be a disposable item. Surely, even Tori Spelling would think twice before putting a $2,000 version in a child’s room. Don’t you think?

Or, maybe it’s just me.

© Marilyn Woodard 2009

The United States faces a shortage of doctors in rural areas. FOCA is about to Make it worse. This legislation threatens pro-Life doctors with jail if they refuse to perform an abortion.

Below is a copy of my letter to my senators and congressman concerning the Freedom of Choice Act.

Feel free to share it with your own representatives in congress and to pass it along to your friends.

Dear Senator,

Please vote against the so-called Freedom of Choice Act.

This act is blatantly anti-Life, anti-freedom, and inhumane.

I understand it contains a provision to deny parents the right to know that their child will have, or has had, an abortion.  Aside from any personal convictions about the sanctity of life, this provision assumes that the state – NOT a parent – has primary responsibility for the care of minor children.

Further, I understand that it denies doctors the right to refuse to perform abortions.  Since when does the Constitution of the United States allow the government to deny human beings the freedom to follow their own conscience?

If you plan to vote for this, you need to publicly explain why you think the above abrogations of God-given rights are good for the people of Indiana.

Denying God-given rights is the business of fascists, not the Congress of the United States.

Sincerely,

Marilyn Woodard

Barack Obama Promises to Sign FOCA

The Freedom of Choice Act is not about freedom.

It takes away your right to know that your minor daughter has chosen to get an abortion. How can you be free to parent your daughter if the federal government takes away your right to know?

President Obama has sworn to sign this bill as soon as it gets to his desk.

This is about:

• your freedom
• your family
• your rights
• your child’s health
• life and death

Do as you see fit.

http://www.fightfoca.com

I found some really beautiful vintage Christmas pictures.  They were created back in the early days of the 20th century – probably when your great-grandmother was a child.

A most unusual artist created these. Her name was Jesse Willcox Smith. Today no one would think it odd, but in her day a single woman making her living as an illustrator was pretty radical. She was much sought after as an illustrator of magazines and children’s books.

I’m so glad these pictures – from a book of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” – have survived.

I have shown them on my site, Creating Great Homes, AND have created a downloadable PDF that you can access through the CGH Store (listed on the left  under Resources.) The actual size of the images is much larger in the PDF.

Downloads are free for site members.  You can get a one-month trial subscription for $1, OR, right now I’m running a Holiday special that is a really crazy subscription price.

Or, you can just go to the store and buy the download.  In any case, I hope you enjoy seeing these charming works by a pioneering American female artist. Blessings on you!

Marilyn

There’s a story news story out today saying there is a big rise in the suicide rate among middle-aged white women. No one knows why this is so.

One of the things I think I know is that people do desperate things – like end a marriage, or end a life – when they have lost hope. They’ve tried everything they can think of to make it better, so they figure there are no options left to them.
When they think, “This will never get better,” they look for a way out.

One thing I’m pretty darn sure I know is: There Are Always Options!

Just because you can’t see them at the moment, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. If you are desperate, or nearly so, please wait.

Wait for a change. Change is the only constant. This terrible time will pass.

Wait for an answer. Of course, to get an answer you have to (1) ask a question and (2) listen. I recommend you ask God your burning question and expect Him to answer. One of the things I know I know is that He cares for you.* Another one is that He is found by those who look for Him. **

Wait for a friend, someone who will hang in there with you. This may take a while. It may not be the person you think it is. It may not be the person you want it to be. Again, ask God to give you one, then wait and keep your eyes open.

If you don’t believe any of this, please talk to someone who will listen to you. If you don’t have a friend, call a counselor. If you can’t afford a counselor, call a Pastor. If you don’t trust pastors, call a suicide hotline. They will believe you, and they will help you find someone you can talk to.

I had a little health scare last week and, since I have more imagination than I need, I ran through a few scenarios, all of which ended in sudden death. It’s interesting that my scenarios never include more realistic things like illness and hospital bills – nothing but catastrophic death is dramatic enough for my imagination!

So, as I’m thinking about dying I have a very peaceful feeling. I’m convinced that Jesus’ death on the cross was enough to get me into heaven and frankly – in a purely self-centered way – I’m looking forward to it.

But, this morning, as I was thinking about the things I am doing, and plan on doing in the near future, for my husband and kids I realized; I don’t wanna’ go! It’s not that they can’t get along without me; they could. It’s that I really believe what I do for them makes a difference in their lives.

What do I do? I try to keep them fed (no small task for two college students.) Since their time at home is so limited, I help out with their laundry and errands. I am the communications hub and social secretary. I nag them to make their doctor appointments. And I listen. I rub their backs and say “Mm-hmm” while they discuss the latest frustration, joy or newsy tidbits. I smile when they come in the room.

Suddenly, I feel so important!

It’s kind of nice.

I hope you are feeling important today.

Blessings on you!
Marilyn

I caught a TV news segment on Robin Bowman’s new book, It’s Complicated. Bowman, a photojournalist, spent four years photographing teenagers across America and learning their stories. As the title suggests, the teen years are not necessarily a bed of roses.

Most of the segment was spent discussing Bowman’s reasons for writing the book. These included her own not-so-great teen years and her sense that teenagers today have a tougher time than she did. Appropriately, all of the photos shown on air were black and white with not a smile to be seen. So, this was not a hugely uplifting bit of television.

At the end of the segment, they turned to a “teen expert”, a psychologist (whose name I have forgotten – I did try to find it, sorry Dr. Teen Expert!) This man brought sanity and real hope in about 15 seconds. (Man, I wish I knew his name!) Guess what he said?

Teens need parents to care for them! They need parents who make the effort to eat meals with their kids, who take time to connect and find out who their friends are, what’s on their minds, how they are feeling, what they need.

Well, thank God for Dr. Teen Expert. He didn’t let all his education get in the way of common sense. So often I hear “experts” on TV telling us teens need more education, more government programs, more sex, less sex, more therapy, healthier food in the school cafeteria, and the list goes on. This guy had the guts to say, “Mom and Dad, you gotta’ take care of your kids!”

I’m not saying raising teens is easy, or that having dinner together will keep your kids out of trouble and improve their grades. Of course, it’s more complicated than that. But here’s what I know. Every human being needs a place where they are accepted for who they are, where people listen to them with empathy, where they are told – over and over again, in words and deeds – you matter to me. If they don’t get that at home, they will look for it elsewhere. Sadly, if they don’t get it at home they may – and often do – settle for something far less…which is when it get’s really complicated.

Blessings on you, Dr. Teen Expert!
Marilyn

All the Way Home

Building a Family in a Falling-Down House, by David Giffels

This is a must-read for anyone that has ever wanted to buy an old house and rehab it into a thing of beauty. We’ve all seen the interior decorating magazine articles and home decorating tv shows: the before and after pictures. That’s what snares us. The dreary before pictures and the lovely, completely harmonious, light filled spaces of the “after” photos. What a wonderful thing that would be, to transform a dark old hulk into the pristine wonder of the neighborhood.

This book is neither the before nor the after. This is the in-between: the reality of buying your dream home and the nightmare of turning it into the home of your dreams.

It is also the story of a Grown-up Kid coming to grips with being a Man who must provide a home for his family. The Grown-up Kid provides us with plenty of humor along the way. He’s having a blast playing with his tools, inventing solutions and battling wild beasts (in the attic, no less.) The Man gives us cause for concern: will his family survive intact? He has to somehow balance his family’s need for livable shelter with their need for his physical presence.

Giffels’ prose makes this journey from Kid-to-Man and Hulk-to-House a wonderful read. Just listen to this, about a trip to the giant home-improvement store.

I came here for three things:

1. a can of expanding sealant, that magical stuff;

2. another three bags of mortar because this much I’ve learned:

a single bag of mortar is a fool’s errand; and

3: possibly a hinge.

The hinge is a lark…It’s heavy and antique and I know I will not find one here. But I have to look.

Looking for something we don’t think we’ll find—this is an understanding we share here in the wilds of the superstore.

We are people afraid of what might happen if our lives became comfortable.

We are people who don’t know nearly as much as we want the world to believe we know.

We are fathers. We are desperate to understand our place among people who desperately need us.

Our ambition is complicated…

I’ve stopped now, between Lighting and Doors.

A hinge—is it “hardware” or “fastener”?

We do not ask. We seek and discover. We, in the aisles: we are seekers and discoverers. This is our frontier. This is what we have left.

My one complaint about this delightful book is the lack of pictures. How did this get published without pictures? I mean, really!

And this is why I love the Internet. I Googled Mr. Giffels and found this wonderful slideshow.

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/04/17/garden/20080417akron

_index.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Now we can sit back, enjoy the before and after photos, and pretend it’s as easy as the television shows make it look!

Blessings on you!

Marilyn