Miz Woody's Place

I had a little health scare last week and, since I have more imagination than I need, I ran through a few scenarios, all of which ended in sudden death. It’s interesting that my scenarios never include more realistic things like illness and hospital bills – nothing but catastrophic death is dramatic enough for my imagination!

So, as I’m thinking about dying I have a very peaceful feeling. I’m convinced that Jesus’ death on the cross was enough to get me into heaven and frankly – in a purely self-centered way – I’m looking forward to it.

But, this morning, as I was thinking about the things I am doing, and plan on doing in the near future, for my husband and kids I realized; I don’t wanna’ go! It’s not that they can’t get along without me; they could. It’s that I really believe what I do for them makes a difference in their lives.

What do I do? I try to keep them fed (no small task for two college students.) Since their time at home is so limited, I help out with their laundry and errands. I am the communications hub and social secretary. I nag them to make their doctor appointments. And I listen. I rub their backs and say “Mm-hmm” while they discuss the latest frustration, joy or newsy tidbits. I smile when they come in the room.

Suddenly, I feel so important!

It’s kind of nice.

I hope you are feeling important today.

Blessings on you!
Marilyn

I caught a TV news segment on Robin Bowman’s new book, It’s Complicated. Bowman, a photojournalist, spent four years photographing teenagers across America and learning their stories. As the title suggests, the teen years are not necessarily a bed of roses.

Most of the segment was spent discussing Bowman’s reasons for writing the book. These included her own not-so-great teen years and her sense that teenagers today have a tougher time than she did. Appropriately, all of the photos shown on air were black and white with not a smile to be seen. So, this was not a hugely uplifting bit of television.

At the end of the segment, they turned to a “teen expert”, a psychologist (whose name I have forgotten – I did try to find it, sorry Dr. Teen Expert!) This man brought sanity and real hope in about 15 seconds. (Man, I wish I knew his name!) Guess what he said?

Teens need parents to care for them! They need parents who make the effort to eat meals with their kids, who take time to connect and find out who their friends are, what’s on their minds, how they are feeling, what they need.

Well, thank God for Dr. Teen Expert. He didn’t let all his education get in the way of common sense. So often I hear “experts” on TV telling us teens need more education, more government programs, more sex, less sex, more therapy, healthier food in the school cafeteria, and the list goes on. This guy had the guts to say, “Mom and Dad, you gotta’ take care of your kids!”

I’m not saying raising teens is easy, or that having dinner together will keep your kids out of trouble and improve their grades. Of course, it’s more complicated than that. But here’s what I know. Every human being needs a place where they are accepted for who they are, where people listen to them with empathy, where they are told – over and over again, in words and deeds – you matter to me. If they don’t get that at home, they will look for it elsewhere. Sadly, if they don’t get it at home they may – and often do – settle for something far less…which is when it get’s really complicated.

Blessings on you, Dr. Teen Expert!
Marilyn

All the Way Home

Building a Family in a Falling-Down House, by David Giffels

This is a must-read for anyone that has ever wanted to buy an old house and rehab it into a thing of beauty. We’ve all seen the interior decorating magazine articles and home decorating tv shows: the before and after pictures. That’s what snares us. The dreary before pictures and the lovely, completely harmonious, light filled spaces of the “after” photos. What a wonderful thing that would be, to transform a dark old hulk into the pristine wonder of the neighborhood.

This book is neither the before nor the after. This is the in-between: the reality of buying your dream home and the nightmare of turning it into the home of your dreams.

It is also the story of a Grown-up Kid coming to grips with being a Man who must provide a home for his family. The Grown-up Kid provides us with plenty of humor along the way. He’s having a blast playing with his tools, inventing solutions and battling wild beasts (in the attic, no less.) The Man gives us cause for concern: will his family survive intact? He has to somehow balance his family’s need for livable shelter with their need for his physical presence.

Giffels’ prose makes this journey from Kid-to-Man and Hulk-to-House a wonderful read. Just listen to this, about a trip to the giant home-improvement store.

I came here for three things:

1. a can of expanding sealant, that magical stuff;

2. another three bags of mortar because this much I’ve learned:

a single bag of mortar is a fool’s errand; and

3: possibly a hinge.

The hinge is a lark…It’s heavy and antique and I know I will not find one here. But I have to look.

Looking for something we don’t think we’ll find—this is an understanding we share here in the wilds of the superstore.

We are people afraid of what might happen if our lives became comfortable.

We are people who don’t know nearly as much as we want the world to believe we know.

We are fathers. We are desperate to understand our place among people who desperately need us.

Our ambition is complicated…

I’ve stopped now, between Lighting and Doors.

A hinge—is it “hardware” or “fastener”?

We do not ask. We seek and discover. We, in the aisles: we are seekers and discoverers. This is our frontier. This is what we have left.

My one complaint about this delightful book is the lack of pictures. How did this get published without pictures? I mean, really!

And this is why I love the Internet. I Googled Mr. Giffels and found this wonderful slideshow.

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/04/17/garden/20080417akron

_index.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Now we can sit back, enjoy the before and after photos, and pretend it’s as easy as the television shows make it look!

Blessings on you!

Marilyn