Her mother had not spoken to her in two weeks. When she finally called, it was to find out what Haley knew about a shocking story: a family in their hometown had a daughter under house arrest. Mom wanted to know how that came to be.

What Haley knew had been told her in confidence.
So she replied, “I really don’t think that’s any of our business.”

Without another word, her mother hung up.

She just wanted to use Haley to add grist to the rumor mill.

What does this have to do with you and parenting your own children?

Ask yourself:

Would I rather gossip with my friends than have a relationship with my daughter?

Would I rather impress outsiders with my perfect house than share intimate moments with my children?

When they leave the nest, will my children WANT to come back to see me?

I am begging you, Parents, focus on your spouse and your children.
Take time to show interest in what they do, what they love, what they need.
If possible, do what they do. Do what they love. Do what they need.

Stop building a house.

Build your home.

Blessings on you,
Marilyn

Readers, I dare you to watch this without dropping your jaw.

If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.

If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.

Do you remember this poem about parenting?

It rings true because we’ve all experienced at least a part of what the author describes.

I was about 8-9 years old. My aunt was visiting from out of town.  Mom and Aunt Judy were in the kitchen doing motherly things. I don’t remember why I had a jar of mayonnaise in my hand. I do remember that I dropped it and it smashed in a gooey-glassy mess .

My mother spat, “Just get out of the kitchen.”

Aunt Judy said, “She’s old enough to clean up her own mess.”

Mom replied disgustedly, “No she’s not.”

I slunk away, humiliated.

Fast forward 14 or 15 years: incident with mayo is completely forgotten. I’m bustling around in my own kitchen and I drop a full carton of eggs.

Gooey-crunchy mess.

I become lividly angry.

Darling Husband, wanting to spare me, comes in and offers to clean it up.

I shout, “No. I’m old enough to clean up my own mess!”

All the power of that humiliation was still there, just waiting for an incident to remind me that I was clumsy, powerless and don’t deserve to be with the grownups.

Why am I telling you this?

Two reasons:

1.  Watch your words.

Never underestimate your power to build up or tear down your child’s confidence, trust, sense of worth and desire to be around you.  All it takes are a few ill-chosen words.

“No wonder I never take you anywhere.”

“Can’t you do anything without whining?”

“What is the matter with you?”

2.  Leave your parents’ words behind.

When you do dredge up those hurtful memories, do not wallow in the pain,. Do not feel sorry for yourself or blame your parents for their mistakes. Instead, re-think the situation.  You are no longer a child, so you can see the matter in a new light.

I can look back at the mayo incident and say,

1. Mom was probably tired and stressed from having company (who knows how long that visit was?)
2. Mom id not have the benefit of hearing Dr. Dobson, Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, etc.  All she had to go on was the parenting she received.
3. Most of all, she did not tell the truth. I was capable, I was a good kid, I was worthy.

Now, when those old feelings come up, I can say, “Nope. That wasn’t true then and it isn’t true now. I am capable, and worthy. “

I move on in confidence.

You can too.

Blessings on you!

Marilyn

I recently came across a site by the same name as a “family magazine.” There was a nice little design article about children’s rooms and bookcases. It showed four or five different kid’s rooms and the featured furniture. The lovely photos were paired with the usual sprightly comments about the accessories shown and where you could buy them. So far, so good, right?

Is it just me, or does $4,000 seem a tad high for a chair in a child’s room? Perhaps I’m too fussy, because it did look stunning next to the mid-century-look bookcase (a mere $560.) Still, I have to wonder about the bone china lamp.

Not $4,000

It kind of makes you wonder: what kind of families is this family magazine trying to reach? Tori Spelling was on the cover. Maybe that should have been a clue. I don’t know.

Do rich kids not have pillow fights or turn cartwheels in their rooms? Or, is a broken designer lamp (a) disposable and (b) something the maid cleans up?

Perhaps my favorite you-gotta-be-kidding item was a $2,000 Tulu rug. Turns out a Tulu is a natural fiber shag carpet made in India by native tribal people (whom, I’m betting aren’t getting any $2K a pop for them.)

These you can wash!

I once had a remnant of 70’s shag carpet in my kids’ room. I can tell you from experience that when your toddler and four year old both start spewing flu-related fluids, your shag carpet will definitely be a disposable item. Surely, even Tori Spelling would think twice before putting a $2,000 version in a child’s room. Don’t you think?

Or, maybe it’s just me.

© Marilyn Woodard 2009

I’m betting that, if you are freaked, or even just a little stressed, it’s because you are worried about what you are going to give. You probably haven’t given much thought to what you will or will not get.

If I’m wrong, and you are worried that you won’t get the latest wii-phone (do they have that , yet?) or X-Box…you’re probably here by mistake. But read on, anyway. It will probably work your grey cells in a new way – might even improve your e-game scores.

I just read a post on twitter.com (that’s a “tweet” for those in the know) by a lovely woman whose twitter handle is “Reflective”.

She said the best Christmas present she ever received was a homemade doll.

photo courtesy of teresia at Flickr.com

Her mother made it for her one year when money was really tight.

She still has the doll, lo, these many decades later – and she is still comforted by the love that went into making that doll.

So, for those of you who are concerned about what you can give when your purse is empty – and even more for those who can buy all they want – ponder this a moment:

What can you give that will leave a legacy of love that will last as long as the recipient’s memory?

When it’s all said and done, the memories are what matter.

Blessings on you!

Marilyn

Fortunately for my creative side, virtual decorating takes very little energy. Hence, I was able to fantasize a whole new Christmas decor and share it with you, my gentle readers.

A most unusual artist created these. Her name was Jesse Willcox Smith. Today no one would think it odd, but in her day a single woman making her living as an illustrator was pretty radical. She was much sought after as an illustrator of magazines and children’s books.

I’m so glad these pictures – from a book of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” – have survived.

I have shown them on my site, Creating Great Homes, AND have created a downloadable PDF that you can access through the CGH Store (listed on the left  under Resources.) The actual size of the images is much larger in the PDF.

Downloads are free for site members.  You can get a one-month trial subscription for $1, OR, right now I’m running a Holiday special that is a really crazy subscription price.

Or, you can just go to the store and buy the download.  In any case, I hope you enjoy seeing these charming works by a pioneering American female artist. Blessings on you!

Marilyn

I’m Dreaming of a Blue & White Christmas by Miz Woody

Photo courtesy of mike-filion at flickr.com

Do you know someone who might lose their house to foreclosure?

For a lot of people the deadline is Dec. 31 – right around the corner.

I know a guy that can help them sell their house and get the price they

need…on eBay!

He’s the only guy that teaches how to do this. If you’re interested, you

can listen to a FREE call tonight, Thursday, November 20, 2008.

The call is Thursday night, Nov. 20 at 9 PM Eastern Time.

The number to call is 218-936-4700

The pass code is 822937#

Rhea Perry is going to interview her son, Drew, who became a

millionaire after figuring out how to sell houses fast on eBay.

If you can’t listen tonight, we can figure out a way to get a recording

of the call to you.

Rhea and Drew are hosting a 3-day hands-on workshop to walk
you through setting up your auction so you can list your
house on eBay.

Bring your computer and your tech kid and they’ll help you do
it on the spot.

Folks are already registered and ready to go and space is
limited so if you want to sell your house fast, plan now to
join them on Dec. 12-14 in Huntsville, Alabama and they’ll help
you list your house on eBay.

Get all the details on the call Thursday night.

NOTE: Members of www.CreatingGreatHomes.com will get a

major discount to the class. It takes about 5 minutes to join and

save a ton.

This class has gone together in a big hurry, so, to get the discount,

email CreatingGreatHomes@gmail.com and let them know you

just joined and want to go to the class. We’ll get the registration

information to you.

If you know someone who needs to sell a house before the
end of the year, forward this note to them. You may help
them save more than their house.

That call is TONIGHT, Thursday, Nov. 20 at 9 PM Eastern Time.

The number to call is 218-936-4700

The pass code is 822937#

Blessings on you!

Marilyn

]]> http://www.mizwoodysplace.com/2008/11/do-you-know-someone-who-might-lose-their-house-to-foreclosure/feed/ 0 http://www.mizwoodysplace.com/2008/10/suicide-up-among-middle-aged-women/ http://www.mizwoodysplace.com/2008/10/suicide-up-among-middle-aged-women/#comments Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:30:00 +0000 Miz Woody http://mizwoodysplace.wordpress.com/2008/10/21/suicide-up-among-middle-aged-women/ There’s a story news story out today saying there is a big rise in the suicide rate among middle-aged white women. No one knows why this is so.

One of the things I think I know is that people do desperate things – like end a marriage, or end a life – when they have lost hope. They’ve tried everything they can think of to make it better, so they figure there are no options left to them.
When they think, “This will never get better,” they look for a way out.

One thing I’m pretty darn sure I know is: There Are Always Options!

Just because you can’t see them at the moment, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. If you are desperate, or nearly so, please wait.

Wait for a change. Change is the only constant. This terrible time will pass.

Wait for an answer. Of course, to get an answer you have to (1) ask a question and (2) listen. I recommend you ask God your burning question and expect Him to answer. One of the things I know I know is that He cares for you.* Another one is that He is found by those who look for Him. **

Wait for a friend, someone who will hang in there with you. This may take a while. It may not be the person you think it is. It may not be the person you want it to be. Again, ask God to give you one, then wait and keep your eyes open.

If you don’t believe any of this, please talk to someone who will listen to you. If you don’t have a friend, call a counselor. If you can’t afford a counselor, call a Pastor. If you don’t trust pastors, call a suicide hotline. They will believe you, and they will help you find someone you can talk to.