Sadly, you could probably quickly come up with a long list of people who have all three of these blessings, yet lead miserable lives.

It is imperative that we give our children more. They need:

Discipline to Develop Wisdom

The Free Dictionary.com says wisdom is, “ the ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight.”

Cicero, the great Roman philosopher said, “The function of wisdom is to discriminate between good and evil.”

And, the Bible says, “…The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7

Notice that dictionaries, philosophers and religious writers all agree that wisdom has a moral component.

There is a school of thought that says:

“I don’t want to impose my morality on my child. I want her to be free to choose her own religion and develop her own philosophy.”

Here is my problem with that idea.

It is absurd.

It is absurd because:

1. If you care for your child at all, you have to give them values. Otherwise, their lives will be about the survival of the fittest. You may as well let them be raised by wolves.
2. Human beings are not like computers that can receive data and do nothing with it until the appropriate moment. The moment new information enters our minds we are sorting, filtering and integrating it into the framework already in place.
3. The rest of the world is very busy imposing values on your child.

It is not an imposition to give them a strong foundation on which to build their personal moral code. On the contrary, it is a great kindness.

Robot Kids?

Don’t worry that they will little automatons that believe everything they hear. Do you remember growing up? Somewhere around puberty you began to think about what you believed. You considered what you had been taught to believe. You decided which ideas you were going to accept or deny.

Your children will do the same.

Blessings on you!
Marilyn

It applies to all the parenting biggies: discipline, nurturing, guidance, even schooling. Of course, since it’s such a great parenting strategy, it’s not easy. But, it’s not complicated and it will help your child to be smart!

The path of parenting is covered with icy patches: places where parents  can easily slide off course, dragging the children with them. One of the worst patches – really, it’s practically a frozen lake – is the “School Smarts Skidway.” There is a lot of pressure on parents to have smart kids. And, even if parents don’t shame or harass their kids, the child gets the message. No child wants to be the class dummy, or the last one in the homeschool co-op to start algebra.

If your child struggles in any or all subjects, I believe it is your duty to give them the help they need in order to learn. Many very bright children cannot learn by listening and watching alone. And no classroom teacher has the time to help every child. So it’s up to us parents to help our children learn. But this article isn’t about that; or at least not directly.  I just want you to wrap your mind around a very important parenting concept. Here it is.

Your child is a genius at something!

Before you tell me the kid is ten years old and can’t read, or can’t tell an adjective from an hypotenuse, hear me out.

Those who become great are rarely well rounded. They do not focus on every subject. Instead, they devote huge amounts of time, energy and passion to the one thing they love. Stephen Spielberg’s high school grades were average at best. But, he taught himself to make movies, beginning with his family’s home movie camera. Thomas Edison’s mother was told her son would never learn to read. But he built a business empire based on his thirst for scientific knowledge. It was perhaps the brightest mind of the Renaissance who said,

“As every divided kingdom falls, so every mind divided between many studies confounds and saps itself.”

~ Leonardo da Vinci

What does your child love to do? What would he spend all his time working on if left to himself? What do you see her doing well, though she’s never had lessons? Do they:

• follow bugs around and examine them?
• constantly change clothes and come up with new outfits?
• live and breathe soccer?
• pore over comic books?
• play video games? What kind: strategy games, fantasy story games or building/organizing games?

These are all clues to their abilities and passions.

What do other people tell you about your child?

• Is he a good listener?
• Is she kind?
• Does he make everyone laugh?
• Is he the one the teacher can count on to run errands?
• Does she stand up for the underdog?

All of these are clues to your child’s inner genius. This is how you know where to pour on the encouragement, give lessons and arrange meetings (playdates) with like-minded people.

If you are still wondering where your child’s genius lies, ask your friends and family. I’ll tell a story on myself just to prove that even dense parents can be helped. I knew my daughter was musically inclined. I wanted to give her music lessons but was dithering over whether she should take piano or voice lessons. Giving her both was not a financial option at that point. I mentioned my dilemma in conversation and my friend said, “Are you kidding? With her voice? I’d be all over that in a New York minute!” My friend was so obviously right that I found a voice teacher that day. And my daughter proved her right by loving the lessons and making real progress.

Help your child discover their gifts and passions. Then help them to develop and nurture them. And remind them that it’s okay to struggle with algebra when you are a genius storyteller!

Blessings on you.

Picture Credits:

arcx1972
melalouise

http://bit.ly/instantvantage

Lessons from the Garden

Parenting sometimes seems so complex and difficult. This won’t be one of those times.  In fact, it may help with those times when you are wondering what in the world you are supposed to do with this kid.

Standing on a garden chair, reaching way over my head to prune a branch, I suddenly thought about raising children. It’s just like gardening.

I’ve been neglecting my garden for a while. I didn’t mean to, but life got intense and I just wasn’t able to get to the garden. Now that I can get back out there, hoo boy, is there a lot of work to do!
That can happen with your children, too. Maybe you have to work extra hours to make ends meet. Or, you are preoccupied with a rocky relationship with your spouse. Or, maybe you are sick for a long time. Sometimes, through no fault of your own, your kids get neglected.

When I first went back to the garden I was truly overwhelmed. There were trees and weeds popping up everywhere.  I almost despaired of it ever being civilized again. But, a little bit at a time, I am beating back the wilderness and my garden is emerging.

The bushes and perennials were still there, but some were wildly overgrown. Others had disappeared under rampant weeds. Many of them didn’t bloom at all this year because they didn’t get enough sun.

As I was pruning back that tree branch, I realized that parenting is like gardening. You just have to keep beating back the darkness.  I have to remove trees so my flowers can grow in the light. Parents have to cut, prune and dig out the ugly, dark stuff that keeps creeping into our kids’ lives.

I planted a climbing rose beneath some trees. I thought I would train it to grow up through the slender trees. Wouldn’t it be pretty to have the roses blooming up there in the branches of the trees? (Experienced gardeners are shaking their heads right now.)

The rose’s long branches kept growing away from the trees toward the light. I even tied the branches to the trees. I thought they would be fine once they grew up through the trees to the light. Wrong.

The branches I forced into the shade just stopped growing.

I was reminded of this:

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—
his eternal power and divine nature—
have been clearly seen,
being understood from what has been made…
Romans 1:20 New International Version

So much truth – light, if you will – is right there in nature.

How does this simple gardening metaphor help?

When you are faced with the difficult, confusing parenting decisions ask yourself a couple of questions.

“Will this ____( fill in the blank: activity, friend,  class, music, clothing, etc.) take her toward light (truth, honor, faithfulness, kindness, self-control) ?”

If you cannot answer, “Yes,” you need to do some pruning.

One Last Word

If you are overwhelmed by the weeds and darkness in your child’s life, do not despair. One day at a time, or one moment at a time, you can find the strength and compassion to bring in more light. Keep on seeking the light. Keep on pruning. It may take some time, but you will eventually see your child blossoming again.

Your word is a lamp for my feet,
a light on my path.
Psalm 119:105 New International Version

Her mother had not spoken to her in two weeks. When she finally called, it was to find out what Haley knew about a shocking story: a family in their hometown had a daughter under house arrest. Mom wanted to know how that came to be.

What Haley knew had been told her in confidence.
So she replied, “I really don’t think that’s any of our business.”

Without another word, her mother hung up.

She just wanted to use Haley to add grist to the rumor mill.

What does this have to do with you and parenting your own children?

Ask yourself:

Would I rather gossip with my friends than have a relationship with my daughter?

Would I rather impress outsiders with my perfect house than share intimate moments with my children?

When they leave the nest, will my children WANT to come back to see me?

I am begging you, Parents, focus on your spouse and your children.
Take time to show interest in what they do, what they love, what they need.
If possible, do what they do. Do what they love. Do what they need.

Stop building a house.

Build your home.

Blessings on you,
Marilyn