Photo: mesec od papira @ Flickr

“Please give me praise for partial success.

Reward me for self-improvement,

not just for perfection.”

Author Unknown

My husband and I have this ongoing battle – well, it’s more of a tiff – over the sponge in the kitchen sink.  See, that’s the problem.  The sponge is in the sink.

I don’t have a problem with the sponge being in the sink.  That’s where you use it, right?  But my Darling operates at the expense of several deficits:

• his brain is hard wired for details
• he comes from a perfectionist gene pool
• his mother was a nurse
• and then he just had to take that college course in microbiology

When I see the sponge in the sink I think, “Oh good, there’s the sponge.”

When Darling see the sponge in the sink he thinks, “ Fungi! Disease!  Plague!”

So, I try to wring out the sponge and set it on the counter.  I do try.  But, you see, I am not the one with the Fear of Bacteria.  I don’t see this as a matter of life and death.  So, I really don’t actively think about the sponge on a regular basis.  Hence, Darling does tend to find it in the sink from time to time.

But here’s the thing:

He thinks he finds it in the sink all the time.  This is not true.  However, as fallible beings will, he tends to notice the sponge only when he is annoyed.  When the sponge is in the “correct” spot, he is not annoyed therefore, he does not see it.

You know, I’m a big girl with a fairly positive self-image, so I can handle Darling’s annoyance.

But, how would that be if I were six…

…and trying to please my Daddy, and he never noticed when I did what he wanted me to?

Awful.  That’s how it would be: awful.  I really need my Mom and Dad to think I’m wonderful when I’m six, or six months, or sixteen.

Mom, Dad:

Stop and think about how much better I’m doing now than I was a year ago.  Tell me you’ve noticed.  Tell me you appreciate my efforts.

Hug me and smile,

tickle me and laugh,

celebrate my successes.

Please.

When we begin the parenting adventure, we start wondering, how will I discipline my child?

Before you figure out your parenting style and start searching for effective techniques and tips, take a little time to figure out:

WHY am I doing this?
“Why,” you ask, “do I need to ask why? Isn’t it obvious?”

Trust me on this one. When you are parenting your heart out, dispensing wisdom and discipline for sheer love of your adorable child, they won’t like it.

And neither will you.

When your little angel is sobbing her heart out, or your teen son screams that he hates you, your only comfort will be the Stark Truth.

The Stark Truth is that discipline is your child’s lifeline to a rich and satisfying life.

Begin with the End
Envision the man your son will become. See in your mind the woman into which your little girl will blossom.

Doctor Girl

Woman Doctor

What they will become is in them right now in seedling form. You are the gardener. Your job is to protect, nourish, prune and support them through the growing season.

What do you want to see in your adult child? What kind of life do you want him to have?

Example: If you want your child to be a healthy adult, provide a healthy environment. Then, model healthy living: eat, drink, exercise and sleep moderately. Set and keep limits on bedtime, mealtimes and junk food.

Already you can see that parenting requires a lot of discipline…a lot of self-discipline on the part of the parent.

Read more about this.

Photos
teresa-stanton
terren in Virginia
The U.S. Army

Readers, I dare you to watch this without dropping your jaw.

My mentor and joint venture partner, Rhea Perry, will host a teleconference
during which she will interview Yours Truly.

I’d love for you to hear what I’ve been up to and get the nitty gritty on my
membership web site. The call is free, except long distance charges (if you still have those.)

The number to call is 270-696-1500

The passcode is 21414#

Hope you can join us!

Be sure to visit my site www.CreatingGreatHomes.com
and click on all the buttons!

I’m pretty pleased with it so far, and it’s growing all the time.

Blessings on you!
Marilyn

P.S. Oh! I almost forgot. My son, Brent Woodard, designed the beautiful banner, logo and buttons. (He’s getting his degree in Graphic Design in December of THIS YEAR!!! http://www.linkedin.com/in/lawrencewoodard )

P.P.S. You can get a one-month trial membership for ONE Dollar! You can’t even buy a cup of coffee for that!

There will be many eulogies, many tributes to Tony Snow.

I don’t think there can be a more revealing one than what Dan Perino said about Tony’s tenure as White House Press Secretary. Perino was Snow’s assistant at that time. He said,

“The White House has lost a great friend and a great colleague.
We all loved watching him at the podium, but most of all we
learned how to love our families and treat each other.”

We tend to think that it is our work, or the use of our talents, that will be our legacy. We think it is the accomplishment of some great task that will prove our worth.

I think we have it exactly backwards. Most of us will be forgotten within a generation. Our greatest accomplishments will be surpassed, absorbed into the ongoing flow of life and history. It is the small things: the offhand comment, the unconscious acts – whether kind, uplifting, encouraging and enlightening – or selfish, mean and low – that will be our true legacy.

Many times I’ve heard people say, “I’ll never forget what Joe said about____. It was a turning point for me.” And Joe doesn’t remember saying it.

My own life was profoundly affected by my best friend’s mother. She never gave me advice, her name won’t make it into any history book. She loved her irascible husband and five children and welcomed me into her home. That’s it. Yet, her example encouraged me in the true sense of that word. Her example gave me the courage to get married, to stay married, to have children and believe I could raise them.

Those things we do because of our character, that other people observe for good or ill, are the things that change lives. And those lives change other lives. And so the sins – and the redemptive acts – of the fathers are passed to the children, to the third and fourth generation.*

In the end, it is not what Tony snow did – it is who he was – that made him a wonderful human being.

Blessings on you!

Marilyn

*Deuteronomy 5:9

This morning I was reading a book about growing in my spiritual/emotional life. There were those same three words.

You’ve probably used them yourself a thousand times without realizing how important they are.

The three little words are: Are you ready?

Mom glances in the rearview mirror of the minivan and says, “Are you ready?” She wants to know if the kids are safely buckled in, have their drink cups safely nestled in the cup holders and their books, mp3 players and whatever within reach. She wants to know they are prepared to make the trip.

A squad leader gives orders to his men and asks, “Are you ready?” He wants to know his soldiers have their gear in place and have set their minds to the task ahead, whether it’s a training run or a fight to the death.

Bob Harper asks a 400 lb man, “Are you ready?” He wants to know the guy is committed for the long haul, not going to bail out when it hurts.

Or is the guy wasting Bob’s time?

When Bob Harper asks, “Are you ready?” he’s asking, have you:

• Cast off your “right” to remain comfortable?
• Given up the idea that easy is good?
• Accepted the challenge?
• Realized that the hard road leads to a good place?
• Decided to trust your leader enough to follow, even when it seems crazy?

If you want change, whether it be in your body, your finances, or your relationships, one thing is sure. It won’t be easy. It will test you, stretch you and – at some point – you will want to give up.

So, whatever dreams, plans, needs or wants you have, go to a mirror. Look yourself in the eye. Say three little words:

“Are you ready?”

Blessings on you!

Marilyn

Finally, a helpful thought blossomed: You need to dig in the dirt!

You see, I’d been doing two things with most of my time: writing and studying. That’s all well and good, but I needed some nature time.

So, last evening, I spent two hours in the garden pulling weeds, digging out a path, hauling gravel. When it was too dark to see, I came in and, while physically tired, I was emotionally revved.

This morning I faced the computer with aplomb, verve and – dare I say it? – happiness.

What is it about gardening that turns a sour hag into a serene matron?

I think it’s largely due to the fact that I cannot think while gardening. Or if I do, it’s in a very limited, detached way. My mind floats in and out, mostly out…and is occasionally yanked into stark awareness of the incredible intricacy of a fern, or the heady fragrance of a lily…I pause and marvel at the exquisite complexity of Creation.

And then I drift off into la-la land for awhile and come back refreshed.

And that is why we use the word recreation: it is Re-Creation!

What feeds your soul? What re-creates you?
And, when was the last time you took time for Re-Creation?

Blessings on you!
Marilyn

Of course, his presence was electronic, coming through yon tube.

Still, he was so very alive – I mean, didn’t he just seem more like a Real Guy than your average TV talking head? Whether you agreed with him or not, he managed to charm you into watching him.

So, at 58 years old, bam! He’s gone.

And it feels like it’s too soon.

I’m sure his family and close friends feel it was too soon.

I’m sure he had a lot more projects planned.

I’m sure he’d have liked more time with his loved ones.

But, Tim Russert accomplished something huge before he was gone. He wrote his book, Big Russ and Me: Father and Son: Lessons of Life. He left his words, his heartfelt musings about life: what’s important, who really matters, what makes for a good man. That’s a big chunk of yourself to leave behind.

While it’s kinda’ cool that you and I can read his words – listen to his heart – long after he’s gone; what’s really cool is that his son can read them. And his grandchildren can read them. That’s huge. That’s a legacy.

It makes me think: what will my children have to read when I’m gone?

I used to write letters to them on their birthdays. I got distracted somewhere along the way and stopped. I think it’s time to dust off the old ballpoint and let them know who I am…who I believe they are…what really matters in the long haul, stuff like that.

Thank you, Tim Russert, for reminding us to use the time well.

I can’t get Heath Ledger out of my mind.

The first report of his death that I read mentioned his recent difficulty sleeping. I got the impression the sleep disorder was linked it to a depression that Ledger experienced after his recent role as The Joker in the still to be released film, “The Dark Knight.”

I am not suggesting that Heath Ledger’s death was a suicide. As of this writing autopsy reports are still ten days away. My working theory is that he accidentally overdosed, an easy thing to do when you live alone and have five to seven different medications lying about, most or all of which are sleep inducing.

What bothers me is why he needed those medications.

Clearly, I am writing in generalities because I know nothing about Heath Ledger’s medical history. For argument’s sake I’m going to assume that he was roughly average, as 28-year old actors go: healthy, a recreational drinker/drug taker, with friends and family who loved and admired him, his share of personal difficulties, and a lovely two-year old daughter whom he loved. So, no major health risks.

I think Heath Ledger suffered from the dirty little secret that most actors don’t talk about. It is this: every role takes its toll.

Most of us do not take seriously the effect the character’s thoughts and feelings will have on the actor. Young actors are not warned about the danger of immersing oneself in a dark persona.

It’s pretty ironic, given the pop culture emphasis on subjective, or self-created reality. Everyone from Shirley MacLaine to the average tweeny bopper believes that “It’s real if you believe it’s real.”, or “You are what you believe you are.”

I am completely sold on the idea of Objective Reality. However, the New Age philosophy does contain this kernel of truth: your thought life affects your outer life.

B.F. Skinner said, “Feelings follow actions.” (Or, something close to that.)
King Solomon said, “For as he thinks within himself, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7
Jesus said, “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts…evil things come from within, and defile the man.” (Mark 8:21-23)

If you have seen the trailer for “The Dark Knight” you know Heath Ledger’s Joker is no comic book character. I was amazed and delighted by the trailer. I thought it would be chilling and interesting to see The Joker played as a real human who could do inhuman things.

Now, I wonder if Heath Ledger suffered just a bit too much for his art.