Miz Woody's Place

If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.

If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.

Do you remember this poem about parenting?

It rings true because we’ve all experienced at least a part of what the author describes.

I was about 8-9 years old. My aunt was visiting from out of town.  Mom and Aunt Judy were in the kitchen doing motherly things. I don’t remember why I had a jar of mayonnaise in my hand. I do remember that I dropped it and it smashed in a gooey-glassy mess .

My mother spat, “Just get out of the kitchen.”

Aunt Judy said, “She’s old enough to clean up her own mess.”

Mom replied disgustedly, “No she’s not.”

I slunk away, humiliated.

Fast forward 14 or 15 years: incident with mayo is completely forgotten. I’m bustling around in my own kitchen and I drop a full carton of eggs.

Gooey-crunchy mess.

I become lividly angry.

Darling Husband, wanting to spare me, comes in and offers to clean it up.

I shout, “No. I’m old enough to clean up my own mess!”

All the power of that humiliation was still there, just waiting for an incident to remind me that I was clumsy, powerless and don’t deserve to be with the grownups.

Why am I telling you this?

Two reasons:

1.  Watch your words.

Never underestimate your power to build up or tear down your child’s confidence, trust, sense of worth and desire to be around you.  All it takes are a few ill-chosen words.

“No wonder I never take you anywhere.”

“Can’t you do anything without whining?”

“What is the matter with you?”

2.  Leave your parents’ words behind.

When you do dredge up those hurtful memories, do not wallow in the pain,. Do not feel sorry for yourself or blame your parents for their mistakes. Instead, re-think the situation.  You are no longer a child, so you can see the matter in a new light.

I can look back at the mayo incident and say,

1. Mom was probably tired and stressed from having company (who knows how long that visit was?)
2. Mom did not have the benefit of hearing Dr. Dobson, Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, etc.  All she had to go on was the parenting she received.
3. Most of all, she did not tell the truth. I was capable, I was a good kid, I was worthy.

Now, when those old feelings come up, I can say, “Nope. That wasn’t true then and it isn’t true now. I am capable, and worthy. “

I move on in confidence.

You can too.

Blessings on you!

Marilyn

I simply love looking at interior design sites and magazines. To be strictly honest, it goes much deeper than that: I’m actually addicted…badly addicted. But enough about me.

I recently came across a site by the same name as a “family magazine.” There was a nice little design article about children’s rooms and bookcases. It showed four or five different kid’s rooms and the featured furniture. The lovely photos were paired with the usual sprightly comments about the accessories shown and where you could buy them. So far, so good, right?

Is it just me, or does $4,000 seem a tad high for a chair in a child’s room? Perhaps I’m too fussy, because it did look stunning next to the mid-century-look bookcase (a mere $560.) Still, I have to wonder about the bone china lamp.

Not $4,000

It kind of makes you wonder: what kind of families is this family magazine trying to reach? Tori Spelling was on the cover. Maybe that should have been a clue. I don’t know.

Do rich kids not have pillow fights or turn cartwheels in their rooms? Or, is a broken designer lamp (a) disposable and (b) something the maid cleans up?

Perhaps my favorite you-gotta-be-kidding item was a $2,000 Tulu rug. Turns out a Tulu is a natural fiber shag carpet made in India by native tribal people (whom, I’m betting aren’t getting any $2K a pop for them.)

These you can wash!

I once had a remnant of 70’s shag carpet in my kids’ room. I can tell you from experience that when your toddler and four year old both start spewing flu-related fluids, your shag carpet will definitely be a disposable item. Surely, even Tori Spelling would think twice before putting a $2,000 version in a child’s room. Don’t you think?

Or, maybe it’s just me.

© Marilyn Woodard 2009

Money is tight this year. Much more so than many of you have ever experienced. Are you freaked out?

I’m betting that, if you are freaked, or even just a little stressed, it’s because you are worried about what you are going to give. You probably haven’t given much thought to what you will or will not get.

If I’m wrong, and you are worried that you won’t get the latest wii-phone (do they have that , yet?) or X-Box…you’re probably here by mistake. But read on, anyway. It will probably work your grey cells in a new way – might even improve your e-game scores.

I just read a post on twitter.com (that’s a “tweet” for those in the know) by a lovely woman whose twitter handle is “Reflective”.

She said the best Christmas present she ever received was a homemade doll.

photo courtesy of teresia at Flickr.com

Her mother made it for her one year when money was really tight.

She still has the doll, lo, these many decades later – and she is still comforted by the love that went into making that doll.

So, for those of you who are concerned about what you can give when your purse is empty – and even more for those who can buy all they want – ponder this a moment:

What can you give that will leave a legacy of love that will last as long as the recipient’s memory?

When it’s all said and done, the memories are what matter.

Blessings on you!

Marilyn

Shabby Victorian Christmas by Miz Woody
Two weeks before Christmas and my tree is not up. This is actually pretty traditional at our house. Part of the reason is that the kids are too busy with school to notice Christmas is approaching. Part of the reason is I’ve been sick and can’t muster up the energy to decorate.

Fortunately for my creative side, virtual decorating takes very little energy. Hence, I was able to fantasize a whole new Christmas decor and share it with you, my gentle readers.

I found some really beautiful vintage Christmas pictures.  They were created back in the early days of the 20th century – probably when your great-grandmother was a child.

A most unusual artist created these. Her name was Jesse Willcox Smith. Today no one would think it odd, but in her day a single woman making her living as an illustrator was pretty radical. She was much sought after as an illustrator of magazines and children’s books.

I’m so glad these pictures – from a book of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” – have survived.

I have shown them on my site, Creating Great Homes, AND have created a downloadable PDF that you can access through the CGH Store (listed on the left  under Resources.) The actual size of the images is much larger in the PDF.

Downloads are free for site members.  You can get a one-month trial subscription for $1.

Or, you can just go to the store and buy the download.  In any case, I hope you enjoy seeing these charming works by a pioneering American female artist. Blessings on you!

Marilyn