Miz Woody's Place

As I’ve said before, disciplining a child requires a lot of self-discipline on the part of the parent. At the time, I was  talking only about trying to give your child the habits and self-discipline that lead to things like: good health, using money wisely and looking their best. You know, the American Dream of Health, Wealth and Beauty.

Sadly, you could probably quickly come up with a long list of people who have all three of these blessings, yet lead miserable lives.

It is imperative that we give our children more. They need:

Discipline to Develop Wisdom

The Free Dictionary.com says wisdom is, “ the ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight.”

Cicero, the great Roman philosopher said, “The function of wisdom is to discriminate between good and evil.”

And, the Bible says, “…The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7

Notice that dictionaries, philosophers and religious writers all agree that wisdom has a moral component.

There is a school of thought that says:

“I don’t want to impose my morality on my child. I want her to be free to choose her own religion and develop her own philosophy.”

Here is my problem with that idea.

It is absurd.

It is absurd because:

1. If you care for your child at all, you have to give them values. Otherwise, their lives will be about the survival of the fittest. You may as well let them be raised by wolves.
2. Human beings are not like computers that can receive data and do nothing with it until the appropriate moment. The moment new information enters our minds we are sorting, filtering and integrating it into the framework already in place.
3. The rest of the world is very busy imposing values on your child.

It is not an imposition to give them a strong foundation on which to build their personal moral code. On the contrary, it is a great kindness.

Robot Kids?

Don’t worry that they will little automatons that believe everything they hear. Do you remember growing up? Somewhere around puberty you began to think about what you believed. You considered what you had been taught to believe. You decided which ideas you were going to accept or deny.

Your children will do the same.

Blessings on you!
Marilyn

This may be the best parenting tip ever.

It applies to all the parenting biggies: discipline, nurturing, guidance, even schooling. Of course, since it’s such a great parenting strategy, it’s not easy. But, it’s not complicated and it will help your child to be smart!

The path of parenting is covered with icy patches: places where parents  can easily slide off course, dragging the children with them. One of the worst patches – really, it’s practically a frozen lake – is the “School Smarts Skidway.” There is a lot of pressure on parents to have smart kids. And, even if parents don’t shame or harass their kids, the child gets the message. No child wants to be the class dummy, or the last one in the homeschool co-op to start algebra.

If your child struggles in any or all subjects, I believe it is your duty to give them the help they need in order to learn. Many very bright children cannot learn by listening and watching alone. And no classroom teacher has the time to help every child. So it’s up to us parents to help our children learn. But this article isn’t about that; or at least not directly.  I just want you to wrap your mind around a very important parenting concept. Here it is.

Your child is a genius at something!

Before you tell me the kid is ten years old and can’t read, or can’t tell an adjective from an hypotenuse, hear me out.

Those who become great are rarely well rounded. They do not focus on every subject. Instead, they devote huge amounts of time, energy and passion to the one thing they love. Stephen Spielberg’s high school grades were average at best. But, he taught himself to make movies, beginning with his family’s home movie camera. Thomas Edison’s mother was told her son would never learn to read. But he built a business empire based on his thirst for scientific knowledge. It was perhaps the brightest mind of the Renaissance who said,

“As every divided kingdom falls, so every mind divided between many studies confounds and saps itself.”

~ Leonardo da Vinci

What does your child love to do? What would he spend all his time working on if left to himself? What do you see her doing well, though she’s never had lessons? Do they:

• follow bugs around and examine them?
• constantly change clothes and come up with new outfits?
• live and breathe soccer?
• pore over comic books?
• play video games? What kind: strategy games, fantasy story games or building/organizing games?

These are all clues to their abilities and passions.

What do other people tell you about your child?

• Is he a good listener?
• Is she kind?
• Does he make everyone laugh?
• Is he the one the teacher can count on to run errands?
• Does she stand up for the underdog?

All of these are clues to your child’s inner genius. This is how you know where to pour on the encouragement, give lessons and arrange meetings (playdates) with like-minded people.

If you are still wondering where your child’s genius lies, ask your friends and family. I’ll tell a story on myself just to prove that even dense parents can be helped. I knew my daughter was musically inclined. I wanted to give her music lessons but was dithering over whether she should take piano or voice lessons. Giving her both was not a financial option at that point. I mentioned my dilemma in conversation and my friend said, “Are you kidding? With her voice? I’d be all over that in a New York minute!” My friend was so obviously right that I found a voice teacher that day. And my daughter proved her right by loving the lessons and making real progress.

Help your child discover their gifts and passions. Then help them to develop and nurture them. And remind them that it’s okay to struggle with algebra when you are a genius storyteller!

Blessings on you.

Picture Credits:

arcx1972
melalouise

Haley stood before me, tears streaming from her sky-blue eyes.
“That’s all I am to her. That’s what I’m worth to her!”

Her mother had not spoken to her in two weeks. When she finally called, it was to find out what Haley knew about a shocking story: a family in their hometown had a daughter under house arrest. Mom wanted to know how that came to be.

What Haley knew had been told her in confidence.
So she replied, “I really don’t think that’s any of our business.”

Without another word, her mother hung up.

She just wanted to use Haley to add grist to the rumor mill.

What does this have to do with you and parenting your own children?

Ask yourself:

Would I rather gossip with my friends than have a relationship with my daughter?

Would I rather impress outsiders with my perfect house than share intimate moments with my children?

When they leave the nest, will my children WANT to come back to see me?

I am begging you, Parents, focus on your spouse and your children.
Take time to show interest in what they do, what they love, what they need.
If possible, do what they do. Do what they love. Do what they need.

Stop building a house.

Build your home.

Blessings on you,
Marilyn

When we begin the parenting adventure, we start wondering, how will I discipline my child?

Before you figure out your parenting style and start searching for effective techniques and tips, take a little time to figure out:

WHY am I doing this?
“Why,” you ask, “do I need to ask why? Isn’t it obvious?”

Trust me on this one. When you are parenting your heart out, dispensing wisdom and discipline for sheer love of your adorable child, they won’t like it.

And neither will you.

When your little angel is sobbing her heart out, or your teen son screams that he hates you, your only comfort will be the Stark Truth.

The Stark Truth is that discipline is your child’s lifeline to a rich and satisfying life.

Begin with the End
Envision the man your son will become. See in your mind the woman into which your little girl will blossom.

Doctor Girl

Woman Doctor

What they will become is in them right now in seedling form. You are the gardener. Your job is to protect, nourish, prune and support them through the growing season.

What do you want to see in your adult child? What kind of life do you want him to have?

Example: If you want your child to be a healthy adult, provide a healthy environment. Then, model healthy living: eat, drink, exercise and sleep moderately. Set and keep limits on bedtime, mealtimes and junk food.

Already you can see that parenting requires a lot of discipline…a lot of self-discipline on the part of the parent.

Read more about this.

Photos
teresa-stanton
terren in Virginia
The U.S. Army

If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.

If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.

Do you remember this poem about parenting?

It rings true because we’ve all experienced at least a part of what the author describes.

I was about 8-9 years old. My aunt was visiting from out of town.  Mom and Aunt Judy were in the kitchen doing motherly things. I don’t remember why I had a jar of mayonnaise in my hand. I do remember that I dropped it and it smashed in a gooey-glassy mess .

My mother spat, “Just get out of the kitchen.”

Aunt Judy said, “She’s old enough to clean up her own mess.”

Mom replied disgustedly, “No she’s not.”

I slunk away, humiliated.

Fast forward 14 or 15 years: incident with mayo is completely forgotten. I’m bustling around in my own kitchen and I drop a full carton of eggs.

Gooey-crunchy mess.

I become lividly angry.

Darling Husband, wanting to spare me, comes in and offers to clean it up.

I shout, “No. I’m old enough to clean up my own mess!”

All the power of that humiliation was still there, just waiting for an incident to remind me that I was clumsy, powerless and don’t deserve to be with the grownups.

Why am I telling you this?

Two reasons:

1.  Watch your words.

Never underestimate your power to build up or tear down your child’s confidence, trust, sense of worth and desire to be around you.  All it takes are a few ill-chosen words.

“No wonder I never take you anywhere.”

“Can’t you do anything without whining?”

“What is the matter with you?”

2.  Leave your parents’ words behind.

When you do dredge up those hurtful memories, do not wallow in the pain,. Do not feel sorry for yourself or blame your parents for their mistakes. Instead, re-think the situation.  You are no longer a child, so you can see the matter in a new light.

I can look back at the mayo incident and say,

1. Mom was probably tired and stressed from having company (who knows how long that visit was?)
2. Mom did not have the benefit of hearing Dr. Dobson, Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, etc.  All she had to go on was the parenting she received.
3. Most of all, she did not tell the truth. I was capable, I was a good kid, I was worthy.

Now, when those old feelings come up, I can say, “Nope. That wasn’t true then and it isn’t true now. I am capable, and worthy. “

I move on in confidence.

You can too.

Blessings on you!

Marilyn